the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize