I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
