Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
