The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
