you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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