Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
