Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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