I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
