I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Randomize
