am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Be still, my beating vagina.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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