I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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