I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
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so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
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Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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