She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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