its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize