We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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