Me. At least after what I've been through.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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