How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
