I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
