im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Me too!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
