the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
