my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
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Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Mom said you looked used
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I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I would fuck him just for his dog
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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