so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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