Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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