I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
