ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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