There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
