Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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