ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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