Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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