i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
