and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Damn victory sex feels great
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
