i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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