i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
