I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
