I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i came on her dog
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
