Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
