yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
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We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
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At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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