Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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