I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
