Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Say something about gay babies.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
