Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Drunk is not a location!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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