Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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