the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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