quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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