he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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