I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
