The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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