I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Mom said you looked used
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
