I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize