My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
