Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
