So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
