Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
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Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
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I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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