Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
