Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
