I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
