i permit you to call me
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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