FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
