I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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