If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
