I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have tasted many bathrooms
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
