It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
