My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
