omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
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I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
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You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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