im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
