My liver just broke up with me...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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