Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
two words...techno handjob
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
