I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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