So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
