Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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