P.S. I can't hear my feet
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
