nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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