i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
