I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize