I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
