Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
